Losing a loved one is hard.

Losing a loved one during the pandemic is hard.

Losing a loved one who lives in another country during the pandemic is really hard.

All you want to do is give all the hugs and show your love but typing out condolences or even sending flowers/ cards just seems like it’s not enough.

I’ve lost loved ones and it doesn’t get easier as you get older. 

It almost seems to get harder.

Yesterday morning I lost my Ninong (godfather) to COVID. I was supposed to visit Manila last year to introduce Adam and Maya. 

I have lots of Titas and Titos but when I think of Ninongs I really only have one.

Whenever my family visited he would always be so accommodating and generous with their home and time. 

I considered his family my second family as I often stayed with them when I traveled to the Philippines on my own for months at a time.

My heart is so heartbroken for them, for my dad and for me.

As someone who shares most things on social I really found this time extra difficult. 

My natural disposition was to share once I found out but I also found the act of sharing/posting to be dehumanizing. It didn’t feel like I was connecting with my loved ones – it just felt like I was broadcasting.

Of course I cried all day but there’s this void – the inability to hug my family or even make plans to fly to see them but I needed to do something.

So here I am, in my little corner of the internet, grieving as I write this post.

So how do you express grief during this time?