This morning I packed up my baby’s closet and swapped in her toddler clothes. She has started to walk and tries so hard to chat with her older sisters now.

I can’t recall feeling this sad when packing up my older girl’s closet in the years prior but maybe it was because I knew I wasn’t done yet. Not like now – I’m definitely done baby making.

The last few days I’ve been staring at my baby, reminding myself to pause because this is it.

It makes me so sad to think that this is the last baby to grace our home. But at the same time my mind is flooded with memories of the last year; the void of sleep, my health issues, body aches and the emotional instability from the surge of hormones, loss of personal ambition, and a multitude of other things I will keep to myself.

It was a bitter sweet moment this morning but I was reminded that it’s only now that I’m getting my footing back.

I’m 14 months postpartum and I can say I’m starting to see the sun in the horizon. It has been a long, and devastating few months, but I’m finally seeing some clarity.

Sometimes when others read this they might not see my gratitude for this journey but it’s there. I love being a mom and there is nothing I regret about it. The journey itself is bumpy and has nothing to do with the love I have for my children.

xo